what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
