i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
