OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
