We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
