O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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