Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
