My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
