so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pants are for mortals
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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