in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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