Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
