My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
