Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
