I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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