you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
