Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
