I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
