THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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