So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
