i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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