last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
