I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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