i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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