Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
