Cold hands, warm shart.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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