just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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