I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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