i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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