gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
