did you get engaged???
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
