Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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