Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
