I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i drank out of a bidet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
