literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
whose parrot is this?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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