i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
