Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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