Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
