are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
