I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
