Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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