CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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