They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
