Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
