A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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