I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
