I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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