i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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