barbara walters just said penis...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
