They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So squirting runs in the family.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
