Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
