At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
