4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
