I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
