I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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