Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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