I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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