her vagine was all disorganized.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
