There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
