i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
