Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
