It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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