Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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