Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
