i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
