Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
