I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
