I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
